I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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