My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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