I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
