I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
