i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
