I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
