I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
