Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
