Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
