I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
