She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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