i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Boobs speak an international language.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
