I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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