I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
