i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
