i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
