Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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