like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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