I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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