Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
