I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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