i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
