Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
