obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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