so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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