shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
