If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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