A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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