so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
