i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
