Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
