The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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