I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
