You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
