Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
