Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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