DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm passing your future prison.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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