So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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