discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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