A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your dad touched me again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
