I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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