I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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