I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
