I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
