What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My vagina just clenched in fear
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
