WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
