When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
