Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
MIDGETS
????
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
