Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so that wasnt chicken after all
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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