If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
