she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
