The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
