it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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